So... what do you do?

Sorry for the hiatus. Last week when I was sitting down to write my post, a simple one about to-do lists, it kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I realized I had so much to say, that it was really like two or three blog posts. So, I decided to stop and take a week to figure things out and break it down. Hopefully I have been able to do so, and I won't go off on any crazy tangents. I still feel my thoughts are scattered. Let's see where this post takes us.

There will be times when I have to fill out a form, or when I am talking with another group of adults and inevitably the question will come, "So, what do you do?"

How do you answer that? The term "housewife" seems antiquated and now is used as a word that is almost synonymous with trophy wife. "Homemaker" is another term that doesn't quite fit. Using the term "full-time mom" is a bit closer, but, may make other women who are working outside the home feel that they are not pulling their own weight as mothers, as they have a full-time career outside the home. You don't stop being a mom just because you are not with your kids all the time. You are a mother always. Some people have adopted "domestic engineer". I kind of like that. It makes those who choose to stay at home full-time seem industrious, building something, and for lack of a better word, worthy of respect from those who work mostly in a corporate setting.

I know this might seem like over thinking things, but in today's world, when you stay home to raise your kids, or to make your home more industrious, society either looks at you as if you are too stupid to get a job, or some crazy hippie lady who is trying to make some political statement (no disrespect to actual hippie ladies), or you are trying to cash in on your rich husband. None of those accurately represent the majority of women or men who stay home, and they do not accurately represent me. Though, if my husband did get rich, I wouldn't complain. Society just doesn't get that some people just want to make their home a thriving and loving place to live full-time. That I would rather be the one that raised my kids, then paying others to do it for me. This decision is not an easy one to make and it comes with lots of sacrifice, but then, if we are trying to live more simply without all the stuff that says "you are successful" the sacrifices don't seem as great. It is getting to that point mentally that is tough though. As I have stated before on the blog, I can be a bit of a magpie, I like new and shiny things.

Okay, so now you have labelled yourself as a "domestic engineer". What the heck does that actually mean? What is the actual job description? Well, there isn't one. Or at least, there is no one fits all description. And that is where it becomes difficult for others to know what you do, and for you to know what you do yourself. I decided to make a list of all the different roles I do as a domestic engineer. In the space of about 5 minutes I came up with over thirty different roles. I won't list them all, but here is a random sampling: dietician, spiritual leader, event coordinator, laundress, walking encyclopedia, interior decorator, stylist, and teacher. That's a lot for one person to do with just that list, and then put even more on top of that and okey dokes. That is crazy.

a random sampling of things representing what a domestic engineer does

With all the different hats we wear it can be overwhelming. We want to do everything  and do it flawlessly. When we fall short of that standard, even though we are doing our best, we can feel frustrated and discouraged. Being a domestic engineer is an organic and moving job. This means we need to be flexible and forgiving. Life throws us curve balls, and we need to be able to be adaptable to those. And we have to remember the mantra, times and seasons. Sometimes it can be tough to be that flexible. I would love to have a set schedule, but I have discovered, that kids don't always want to follow that schedule, thus making being adaptable essential. (That was definitely an AHA! moment.)

Another difficult aspect with being a domestic engineer is that it is at times a solitary endeavor. Your spouse is off at work, your have young children at home. You need to be self motivating at times when you just want to through in the towel. You feel outside pressures coming at your because your house isn't perfect, you aren't looking perfect. It can be tough. When you are feeling those pressures get to you, reach out to trusted friends, online groups, or reread your favourite blog posts or inspirational quotes. If you are religious, turn your focus to God and his teachings to help you get the motivation to keep going. Being a self-started can be tough, but you just need to pull up your bootstraps and do it. Once you begin, it is amazing what else you can get done.

So while we are don't necessarily have a working definition of a domestic engineer, we know that it encompasses a lot, and that we are fortunate in our "job" to tailor it to fit our and our families' needs. That is a luxury not every job comes with.

Next week I will discuss ways we can gain focus in our role as domestic engineers and through that focus how happiness in our role can be achieved.

I hope you have a wonderful and happy weekend!

Fall Fun

Well, the weather is getting cooler. The nights are getting darker earlier. I can definitely say that we are for sure in fall.

I love fall. I love seeing the leaves change. I love making big leaf piles. I don't like it when neighbours rake their leaves to the side of the road making it impossible for cars to park on the street. But other than that, I love fall.

I love the orange pumpkins, the red leaves and the brown memories of summer fun. I love the smell of foods being baked or roasted in the oven. I love the sound of the furnace turning on in the morning to heat up the house. So far that is the only time we have needed it on. The house has been able to maintain a decent temperature throughout the day which will be very nice for our gas bill.

This past Sunday we all went out and raked the leaves that were littering our driveway. I am not sure what type of tree is out there. I really must get serious and find out, but I think it might be part of the willow family... but it could really be anything. It has a billion leaves on it. They are slender and longish and when one falls, they all seem to. One morning we left for school and there was a few leaves on the ground. When we were walking back six hours later, you could barely see our driveway it was so covered in leaves. The girls thought that was pretty awesome.

Well as I stated before, on Sunday we all went out and raked leaves. We made a very large pile. All of us girls ganged up on my husband and threw leaves at him, and he got us back. My 19 month old rain along our neighbours front yards... about four houses down and when I was looked to see what she was running to I had to laugh. It was one of those little tykes cars that are yellow on top and red on the bottom. It was sitting out at the end of their driveway with some other junk they were putting out for garbage day. By the time I caught up to her she had already settled herself in and was excited at the prospect of the drive. So, I started to push the car back to our house where it has a new home. There wasn't anything wrong with it, just a bit cobwebby. The girls had a blast pushing their sister around and pushing each other into the leaves.

the oldest and the youngest going for a ride in the car

I think the highlight was when we buried the middle daughter in the leaf pile. She thought it was hilarious. I did too. What a fun afternoon.

she was dressed up like a witch so you can see the tip of her hat and the points of her shoes

That sense of family togetherness, adventure and joy has buoyed me up all week. I am so glad that we have those special moments. Those moments, when there is no squabbling, there are no dishes or other household chores to worry about. We are all working together, laughing together, and having fun together.

Sometimes those moments are organic, like this Sunday seemed to be. Sometimes they need to be a bit more contrived by the parent. And you know what, that's okay. I think the important thing is that we contrive and then let it develop into an organic feeling. The kids don't know or care if some activities are planned or not, what they care about is feeling loved and happy. They want to feel those feelings, and if they feel it through something that you planned out, that is great. And if it happens all on its own, that's great too!

What do you like to do for fall fun?

Happy Thanksgiving for all those in Canada!

Okay Cosmic Forces. I'm listening.

I want to have my house completely de-cluttered. I can't handle all the extra junk we have around. My husband sees everything as treasures. As you can imagine this means we are often at a standstill. I seem to go through spurts where I am really gungho and can get through lots of junk and can keep on top of the regular day to day tidying and cleaning. Then I go into a slump of frustration and tiredness and not caring and then go back to my energetic "let's get rid of this junk" period. Do you go through those cycles too?

Well, I was beginning to get into my energetic period. I had lot of plans for last weekend and this week. I was going to get so many projects done. I was even exercising everyday and feeling great about attaining my personal goals and my household goals. Then it happened. I was trying to get around my 19 month old who was in the middle of the doorway and whack. I totally slammed my foot against the door frame. Now this wasn't just your average hitting of foot against something. My foot was going on full speed velocity, for I was sure I had enough clearance. Man did it hurt. I managed to hobble my kids to school in the morning. When I got back and looked at my toe it was swollen and started to bruise. It looked like the toes of the people in the movie WALL-E. Basically a chubby circle. Usually my toes are very slender. (The only part of me that is.) I was 80% sure it wasn't broken, and anything I read about toe injuries said that you needed to rest it and keep it elevated. So that's what I did.

Well, a week later, a trip to my amazing and talented chiropractor (Dr. Moeller of Vital-Links, as I said during the appointment, you are magic) and no longer having my husband refer to my as hobbilty hobbit (he really loves me, for serious), I have had time to reflect on my injury, my recovery, and what this might mean in the grand cosmic scheme of things.

I need to slow down and let things take its course. That is a very difficult thing to do. When I get in my "at the end of the rope things need to change now" mentality I want to just go, go, go and get everything possible done. I think I need to relax. Take things slow. Break things down into manageable chunks so I don't get burnt out and get into my slumps. I need to not overburden myself so I become resentful when I am not getting the support or glowing praise I think I should receive. I also have to prioritize what is important and not try to constantly please everyone, because when I do that I really don't please anyone.

I also discovered that I need to do a better job of teaching my children and husband that they are working parts of the household. While I may be the domestic COO they play an important role in the success of our family and household. Just because I am out of commission for a few days does not mean that things should get out of control and that I need to do with everything. We definitely need to have some give and take with each other and our roles. And take to heart the saying "first observe then serve". We need to always look out for each other and always think of ways we can help one another to make our burdens light.

Now, it is one thing to come to these conclusions and want to do better and have things change. It is quite another to actual implement the necessary changes. We are creatures of habit. We do not like to have to change our routines or ways. We may know we have to but the hard work involved sometimes makes feel overwhelmed.

So, how do we get over these feelings of overwhelmedness? I'm not sure. If I knew the answer for sure I think my life and relationships would be vastly different and at times less frustrating. But, I should come up with something to help with starting the discussion. So, let's see. Think, think, think.

1. Be completely open and honest about your hopes, dreams and changes that should be made. Unless you can clearly articulate and take the brave step of letting others know, changes and the help necessary to makes these changes happen won't be able to happen.
2. Get everyone on board. If you are trying to make changes that will affect your spouse, kids, or household in general, you need to get everyone on board or at least get their support. This might mean changing or modifying the end result that you have in your mind. This can be a good thing and you might end up with an even better result. It is much better when you can work as a team. Hopefully your family will be more willing to help out when they feel they are participating members in the process instead of being dictated to.
3. If you mess up don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up and keep on trucking. One misstep shouldn't derail the entire enterprise.
4. Accept your limits and then work within them. Instead of wishing things were different or wanting things that are just not feasible at this time, (like a new house or renovated kitchen) look at the parameters you have to work with and work within them. You will be amazed what you can accomplish without a lot.
5. Don't wait for others to take the lead. Once your family has come to a consensus don't want for one of them to take the lead. Do what you agreed to do. Even if they haven't done their stuff yet. Hopefully this example will help motivate them and they will do their commitments.

I am sure that there are other steps or better steps, but that is what I came up with. These are probably things I need to do for myself as these seem to be a lot of my foibles.

While having a very major bruised foot was not really my plan, I am thankful that I was able to slow down. That things that were annoying me were able to be discovered and I could figure out what was needed so that my family and I could become better. So while I am grateful, hopefully the next time the cosmos want to teach me something they do so in a less painful way.

Have a happy weekend!

The Importance of Great Partners

Last night, as I was putting my little one to bed, I could hear through the door my husband reading a bedtime story to our older two. In that moment I felt true happiness. It was so nice that I knew as I was taking care and snuggling with our youngest, my oldest were also feeling love and closeness. My husband and I were truly working as a team in that moment in time and that is a great feeling.

As much as we like to be able to do things independently and show off our independence, there are times when it is important that we have a partner. There are times when in just makes sense to ask and to have help and support. It in nowise makes you any less of an independent super hero. Instead it allows you to share your burdens. It helps lighten your load and your partners. It helps us to feel happiness.

Partnerships can take form in many different ways. It can be a spouse, both of you working together to better your lives, run a household and raise a family in shared values and ideals. It can be a neighbour, perhaps helping each other with household tasks, gardening etc. It could even be business partners. People and companies who work together for a common great goal.

No matter what partnerships you are in they can be great. There are times when they can be infuriating. When you are bringing two sets of people together, each with different life experiences and views, there will be differences of opinions, differences in how they do things, and differences in the priorities of what to get done. This, if you let it, can cause anger, frustration, and hurt feelings to enter into things. This will not allow the partnership to work effectively or let trust occur. It is important that when having a discussion from different sides you deal with facts, not personal putdowns. It can be hard not to take things personally when something is important to you. If both sides are trying to work together for the greater good, know it is not personal, it is just trying to get the best possible outcome for what you are working towards.

In our familial partnerships, especially those with a spouse, who would have been raised differently, it important to set aside these differences and come up with a common standard in which you can operate. It means taking the best of your collective experiences and and using that as your platform for how you do things in your home. It is sharing what is important to each of them and making sure those important things are done. For example. I don't care if the bed is made in the morning. My husband does. So we need to come up with what we both can live with. It is about give and take, it is about deciding what at the end of the day is make or break deals. It is about looking out for the other's happiness. If both of you are looking to make the other happy then both of your needs should be met.

Working in partnerships can cause you to put yourself out there, which isn't always easy for you to do but the rewards and benefits are worth it. So rededicate yourself to your partnerships, which ever forms they come in and commit to making new ones, ones that will help better you, your family and your community.

It's Harvest Time

Well, fall is in full swing. While most of the leaves haven't turned colour yet, the temperatures are starting to get cooler. We had to put on our furnace a couple of mornings to help heat up the house. And I think I saw some frost on my neighbour's roof the other day. BRR.

But what I love about fall is that the farmers market is bursting with delicious produce. Last week I bought leeks, beens, squash, apples and carrots. And man, they tasted so yummy. But, as always happens to me, I bought way more produce than what I can possibly use in a week. I get so excited and the prices are so good that before I know it I have carrots coming out of my ear!

This week at my church we had an activity that talked about freezing and dehydrating produce. I always knew you could do that. I even have a dehydrator I have used a few times. But as with anything, family life, kids and other stuff get in the way, and I just don't think about preserving my food using the freezer and dehydrator. I loose the spark. I think that can happen with anything, not just home production. It could happen with sewing, knitting, crocheting, making your own bread. You know how to do it. You have done it in the past. But, the desire to continue to do it or start it up again just isn't there. I think it goes with the whole times and seasons of life thing. You can only do what you can do. And, for the time being that is okay.

Well, for me, going to this activity totally put the spark back in my desire to dehydrate. Yesterday I put on my first batch of carrots on the dehydrator and when I woke up this morning there were little orange bumpily dry carrots waiting for me. How exciting! I have some more carrots that I am going to do today. It will be exciting and the perfect day to do it as my kids are home from school today. I will have two expert peelers.

As I was going to bed last night I was thinking of how my little freezer could be full of local produce that I prepared myself. And I started making a list of all the things I could do. But, I think I need to pull in the reigns a bit. I don't want to take on too much and get overwhelmed and then just quit. Slow and steady, get in a routine and then I'll be in the habit for life.

What type of harvest production do you like to do?

Homemade Hamburger Helper

I have a bit of a confession. I love hamburger helper. Brown the meat. Open the box, add the liquid and there is dinner. I just love it. I think we all have those secret food things that we know we shouldn't eat, that are full of crazy ingredients we can't even pronounce. You know the foods I'm talking about.

Well, a few months ago I decided enough was enough. I needed to find a healthier alternative to hamburger helper. And in stepped the internet, aka google and pinterest. It is amazing the talented people you can find that help you solve your dilemmas.

This recipe is based of the one found at Farmgirl Gourmet. You can find her recipe here. I found the original to be a bit on the spicy side for my family so I modified it slightly. I think that is the great thing about finding and sharing things online. You get a great jumping off point and can tweak things to fit into your family's tastes.

So here is the recipe I use.

Homemade Hamburger Helper
1 lbish of ground beef (I always buy my meat in bulk and divide it when I get home. I am never sure exactly of the weight, but I am happy with the amount.)
2 1/2 cups milk
1 cup hot water
2 cups whole wheat pasta (you can probably use whatever kind of pasta you want. This is what I happen to have on hand. I have used macaroni, penne, the rotini. They all seem to work using the same method.)
2 tsp garlic powder
not quite 1 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp salt
not quite a full tsp of paprika
1 tsp sugar
2ish cups of grated cheese (I don't actually measure, I just guestimate. If you have an Ikea grater it is about one container full.)

I use a big pot to insure no over bubbling. Brown beef. Add everything but the cheese and stir to mix. Bring to a boil then simmer for 15 minutes. You can stir if you want to. I usually just set the timer for 15 minutes and read for a bit. Remove from heat and stir in cheese. Enjoy!

That's all there is to it. Pretty amazing. And the best part. My kids actually eat it! I know that there are some recipe sites out there that claim that their kids eat that meal. But usually, in my experience at least, they lie. I feel duped as my kids turn their noses up at it. But this recipe, they actually eat, without complaining, and usually ask for seconds!! Definitely a winner in my books.


Do you make a healthier/real food version of one of your guilty pleasures? If show please share in the comments. It would be awesome to add to the repertoire.

Crazy Cake

Has this ever happened to you? You go to make a cake and then realize you don't have enough eggs. You don't feel like going to the store to get more and you don't have flax seeds to grind to make an egg alternative. What are you going to do?

Well in steps the crazy cake. I don't know if that is the real name for it. It is just what my mother always called it because she thinks it's crazy that it works. Crazy cake doesn't need eggs. Just some baking soda and vinegar and you end up with a cake that rises and has the perfect density and is super moist. No how sometimes it is really hard to find a great moist chocolate cake. Well you need to look no further. This cake seems to be moist all every single time.

Tonight is meet the teacher night at my girls school and the school council puts on a dessert potluck. So I made this today. I am going to put a chocolate butter cream icing on it but usually I just serve it with a glob of vanilla ice cream. Delicious.

I will give you the recipe for a 9"x13" pan. I made mind in an 8" square pan but just halving the recipe.

Crazy Cake
In a big bowl mix
3 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa powder

Make 3 holes into the mixture.
Hole #1 put in 1 tbsp white vinegar
Hole #2 put in 2 tsp  vanilla
Hole #3 put in 2/3 cup oil (I used canola)

Pour 2 cups of water over top and stir vigorously until it is mixed well.

Pour into greased pan and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Sometimes I don't bother with the holes and just dump all the liquid in at once. It seems to still work. I don't know why my mom had us make holes. Maybe it was to make it more fun?