The Importance of Household Tasks for Children

I recently finished a book called Cleaning House: A mom's 12-month experiment to rid her home of youth entitlement by Kay Wills Wyma. (To read my review of it click here.) It really made me think about how I am parenting. Am I enabling my children to have a me centred life, where they think others are there to serve them and that the world revolves around them? Am I giving them responsibilities which teaches them the life skills they need when they eventually leave home?

There are so many stories in the news or news magazines that talk about adults in their twenties having their parents talk to university profs about assignments, or quitting jobs because the work is not interesting and they don't want to do it. I guess they assume if they fall on hard times their parents will be there to pick them up and take care of them. It is really interesting. I guess they don't feel the need to take care of themselves by themselves. (I know that not all people in their twenties are like that, but there have been more stories like that of late in the news.)

One thing the book talked about was the high levels of depression of people in their early to mid twenties. Even in teens the level of depression is going up. The author suggests that some of this is due to them not feeling needed. They feel that there is nothing unique that they are contributing and it wouldn't make a difference if they were not there. It shows how important it is that we make sure our children know they contribute to the family and that their contribution truly matters.

I am now inspired to make sure my children have tasks that only they do and that I equip them with important skills. My oldest is six. I am not wanting to pile on the tasks. She still needs to be a kid. But, I need to be giving her and my four-year-old tasks that they are responsible for. That way when they are older they will put on new responsibilities without too much resistance... hopefully. But to do this I need to have follow-through which, is not really my forte. But I know I need to do it, for their sake. Thus, I must get follow-through and lots of patience.

I think the patience will be the hardest part. I can wash lettuce faster, wipe the table more thoroughly and fold clothes more neatly. But, if I do it myself how are they going to develop the skill?

So I have come up with a few tasks that I am going to have the older two do. (My youngest is 10 months. Her task is to be the cutest baby ever! She is already a pro.)

1. Empty lunch bags when they come home from school.
2. Help sort laundry and put away their own clothes
3. Help prepare one meal a week. I am thinking they can help with the Saturday meal, swapping turns back and forth.

Once these are established I will add more. You have to start somewhere. You can't do too much too fast. Especially with my follow-through skills.

Some people set up reward systems to help with chores. I don't know how I feel about that. Sometimes in life you have to do something even when there is no gold star waiting for you. So, I don't think I want to go down that route.

The author of the book had a jar for each child with a dollar for each day of the month in it. If the chores were not done each day she would take out a dollar. Whatever was left at the end of the month was their's. I like that a bit better. It is still a type of reward, but I feel that they are earning it and that there is a consequence if their task is not done. With a sticker system, if the task is not done, they just don't get a sticker. They are not really losing anything.

Ugh! There are so many ideas and parenting styles. There is no set ways, just what you think is best. And I don't always know what is best. I wish that each child came with an owner's manual. Then we would know what would to do with each child.

How do you give kids responsibilities? How do you teach them? Do you use rewards or not?