None of the choices above are bad or good, they are just different and with them have different sacrifices. There are benefits to all the above choices as well.
What we need to decide is what is the lifestyle or life choice that we want to live. Some people, and from my own preceptions it is mostly women, seem to want to have it all. We all want to be Martha Stewarts, which is not a bad thing, it's just not that realistic. To think we can have the perfect house and the perfect cookies, and the perfect homemade costumes or gifts, and having the perfect job and the perfect income and with that creating a perfect family, while it is great to try to have the idea of it, ] it makes me exhausted just thinking about it. It is almost impossible to have all those things without having help. Instead we need to figure out what we really want. Not worry about trying to have it all, because some of "it" we don't actually want.
So, what are someways that we can figure out what exactly we want? What will make ourselves and our families the best we can be? For those things are highly individualistic. Here are some of my musings.
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| pictures from salon.com |
1. Have a Family Meeting
Family meetings are a great time to connect and see how everything is going. It's a way for each member of the family to voice their hopes and dreams in a safe environment and when they can come together and brainstorm ways to make dreams come true. It is also a great way to help each other prioritize and possibly even come up with a family mission statement so that everyone knows what they are working for and why they are doing it. Through these meetings the lifestyle of your family can be set to everyone's satisfaction, or at least mostly satisfied. Everyone may need to sacrifice something that may not be as important for the time being and then focus on it later.
This is also a great way for the domestic engineer to voice where she or he needs help and get the family on board for the domestic work that needs doing. While not every domestic engineer is going to have a eager volunteers, every little bit does help. Especially when there are still young children in the home. It is amazing what little work you can do with a toddler around who likes to empty cupboards and drawers. If your family doesn't know that you need help then they won't know what to do. You need to let them know so that hopefully they will help you.
2. Priorities
It is so important to get your priorities in tune with your partner/family. If they are not in sync then it is really hard to feel focused. You will feel tugged in a billion directions as you are trying to make your priorities happen, while also trying to support your spouse in their priorities and then if you have kids, you want their priorities to happen too. That is too much for one person.
To some families having a big birthday bash for everyone's birthday could be super important. If that is the case then perhaps they wouldn't go on so many vacations. Or, maybe vacations aren't as important as focusing on good nutrition. Figuring out your priorities (financial, personal) is really figuring out where you want to direct your energies. So, if, for example, your priority is organizing the house, you need to direct your energy towards going through stuff, making decisions to get rid of things, not bringing in anything that is not vitally important. Now may not be best the time to go on some fad diet or becoming the chair of a volunteer committee. We only have so much time and energy so it is important that we direct to what is most important to us, otherwise frustration will set in.
3. Have Realistic Expectations
So you have your priorities all set, you have had a family meeting you feel you have a focus. Well, you may wake up one morning not feeling like having to do what you have set out to do. Or you may not receive the help that was agreed on. Or perhaps you start coveting the happiness you think others are having around you. Life happens. You have to take one day at a time. Try to stay focused, but if you have an off day, that's okay. The important thing is we have more on days than off. We just need to keep plodding along and not give up on what we know we can achieve. If you are making a major lifestyle overhaul it is going to take time. You and your family will need time to adjust.
My two older children asked for more consistent responsibilities. I was all for that and came up with age appropriate ones such as setting the table, sweeping the floor and making sure the clothes were off their bedroom floor. We discussed it with them and they were all for it. Well, I called Miss G. in and asked her to set the table. Well, she came in and said, "Mom, I'm a kid not a maid. Do I look like a maid to you?" Now I'm not sure where she picked up such phrases. I'm pretty sure I haven't said that, but then I may have. Well, I as calmly as I can (calmness is something I must work at sometimes, especially when I am getting dinner ready) I explained that this was her night for that responsibility and reminded her that she agreed to it and we all had to help. She still wasn't the cheerful helper I was envisioning, but she still did it. Would I have preferred a smiling, less exasperating child? Yep. But, I was happy with what I got, a set table. We aren't going to have everything workout like a movie where everyone is happy and helping, but if we keep it real, our expectations can still be met, just with a huge dose of reality.
These are just someways that we can get focus in our lives, and through that see results and happiness come. Happiness really starts with you, and then as a bi-product helps others be happy too. It is hard, life is not always easy. But, it can be joyful. We just need to get onboard with those around us and have realistic expectations. Next week I will talking about To Do lists, and how they can be a help in our lives.
What are some ways you are able to find focus and thus happiness in your life?
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