Being the Best We Can Be

On Tuesday I went to a shower for a young woman who is getting married this weekend. During the shower we were all to write down our marriage advice for the bride to be. That caused me to reflect on what being in a partnership means. What advice would I have for those already in, or those just entering, a committed relationship. It was really hard for me to figure out what to write on the paper. There are so many things that go into a committed relationship that it is hard to pick out just one that is the best. So many are multi-faceted.

There is a song that is in the children's song book for my church that I love. The last verse goes like this:

I love you, and you love me.
We reach together for the best we can be.
I love you, and you love me.
And that's the way it is supposed to be.

Every time I sing that or hear those lyrics I am always struck by the wisdom and simplicity of it. When we love each other we are committing ourselves to help each other be the best people we can be. Yes, there is a lot to that, but essentially that is what it all boils down to.

We are all imperfect people. I think I am probably the most imperfect person I know. My flaws smack me in the face everyday. (Dang, that sleep deprived temper!) But when you have a husband, wife, partner, daughter, son, friend whom you love and they love you back, you strive to be the best person you can for them, and in turn in a loving way (no nagging, though it is hard) strive to build them up so they are able to be the best person they can be. Are you perfect at doing that everyday? No. Are you going to say somethings that your probably shouldn't? Yeppers. But, there is always the next minute, hour, day, month, year to change and be better.

Becoming your best self takes time. It's like building a house. You can't just say, "I'm going to build a house", throw some sticks around and voila you are ready to move in your furniture. It takes a strong foundation and the proper tools and techniques to make sure your house is strong, firm and secure. We need a strong foundation too. We need a strong foundation of morals so we know what is right and what is wrong. Once you establish that foundation of what it means to you to be your best person, then you can move along and figure out what tools and techniques are needed. These could be getting a great support group of friends, it could be going to church or another community group that shares your same values, it could be reading books that give you ideas and help build you up, it could be getting a mentor, someone to be able to talk things through. We are so lucky to be living at a time where if we can't find those things immediately around us, we can join internet groups and forums and find like minded people. It is really awesome.

Now, back to the partnership. So we are reaching to be our best selves. But being in a partnership also means valuing and honouring our differences. My husband and I are two different people. He actually likes to watch baseball. I do not. I love to read books, he likes to read facebook. Does that mean that we are doomed to fail in our relationship? Nope, only if we let it. Partnerships are not about finding two people who are exactly the same. If we all brought the same strengths and weaknesses to the table there really wouldn't be much use to being in a partnership. Can differences be frustrating? Of course, but they can also be a great benefit. By reaching together for the best we can be we are able to use our different sets of skills and points of view to help each other along.

Things can get bumpy. When those things happen, stay humble, try not to say or do things you will regret and remember that both you and your partner are working together to be the best people you can be. It's hard at times, but it is worth it.