I find in today's society we want everything to be perfect. Our floors and counters need to be spotless. Our place mats and table wear need to match. We look for the most unblemished fruits and veggies. It is truly a preoccupation. We forget the wise words of Ms Frizzle from the Magic School Bus when she says, "take chances, get messy, make mistakes." (My kids have been watching a lot of Magic School Bus lately. Thanks youtube!) Where does this need for perfection come from? I wish I knew.
I am a planner. I love to know what is coming up, what is necessary to get ready or pack. When we go on trips everything has been planned months in advance. I make packing lists, snack lists, menues, figure out where the closest laundromats are incase we need to wash stuff. Hotels booked, routes made. It is a well oiled, military precision system. Things still can go awry, but on the whole we are able to do and see everything we would like too.
My mother is the complete opposite. If she feels like going to Alberta, the next day she is gone. No pre-booking motel rooms or campsites. Things always worked out. So it makes me wonder, where does my need to plan and have a perfect holiday come from? Is it worth the stress? Would I enjoy the family time and be more present in the moment if I was a bit more relaxed?
The drive for perfection comes at a cost in our lives. The cost is happiness. We get so stressed out it is hard to see the happiness and joy that is around us. Who cares if the cake doesn't turn out perfectly. It is still going to taste delicious. (There are a lot of cakes that look perfect but don't taste very good.) Now I am not saying we should set standards for ourselves and strive for excellence. But, if that gets in the way of joy, of being present with our families and making them feel important and loved, then really what is the point.
The most important thing to do is to be trying our best with where we are in life. Right now I am trying to make as much as I can from scratch. If I decide to buy a store bought pizza crust instead of making my own from scratch am I a failure because I am not living up to my ideals? Of course not. Sometimes the day turns out differently than planned. Nap times don't always come at convenient times. We just roll with it. Someday that pizza crust will be made from scratch and it will be awesome. Until then do what you can do.
Right now for me, I hate making up salads. Washing the lettuce and dicing the other veggies is not what I feel like having to do along with my other dinner prep. So I buy pre-made salads in a bag. Gasp, boo, hiss. I know it's horrible, but, right now I am not at a place in my life where shredding and dicing is an option for me. It stresses me out. I am sure later when my kids can start using knives it will be better because they will be helping me with the slicing and dicing. Trust me, eating pre-made salads is not my ideal but it is what I need to do for now. It helps bring the stress level down and more harmony in the home.
My mantra of late has been "times and seasons". That is what life is, times and seasons. Don't give up, keep trying and it will become your time and season. We just have to accept that we can't do everything all at once, but in time and at the right season I can have what I would like. I would love a toy free living room, but it is not my time or season yet. With three children under the age of six, toys in the living room is the reality for now, but it won't be forever. Another example is crocheting. I have been knitting since I was three but could never get the knack of crochet. Finally at age 28 I sat down with my mom determined to learn and bam! it happened. It was finally my time and season to know how to crochet.
So don't strive for perfect, you will get stressed and defeatist. Your desire and will to try anything new will dwindle, as you will want to be able to do it perfectly from the beginning. Instead strive to be the best you can be in the present moment. Don't beat yourself up about what you used to be able to do in the past or what you hope to do in the future. The present is all that matters and is where you will find true joy.
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