Baby Gear 101

I don't know whether it's the water or what but a lot of my friends had babies recently or are about to have babies. That got me thinking about baby stuff. It is so tempting to get every gizmo and gadget and cute outfit you can see. You want your baby to have the best of everything. But let's be honest, really, the baby won't care what it has or what it wears, it's more about satisfying you.

For one of my friends I had a devil of a time trying to figure out what to even get her for her baby shower. I think I spent about 40 minutes in the store walking up and down and swapping out items. It was so hard! I wanted to make sure it was something that was useful and that the mother would like. I also wanted it to represent a bit of me and what I thought was important but, without imposing my values too strongly on her. That is a tall order. I ended up giving her some books and a cool looking wooden toy that will be good for when the baby is a bit older. By the time I reached the check out I felt I had gone through deep soul searching and I was exhausted. I then asked for gift receipts and was on my way. (Thank goodness for gift receipts. They really do take the pressure off.)

But this has got me thinking about what you really need when you are preparing for little ones. After three kids I have definitely wittled down the necessities. So here is my list and thoughts of what baby gear you really need. This is my own personal opinon, but it has been built through my own trial and error, so hopefully this will help you not go through the same stumbling blocks as me.

The Essentials

Carseat
This probably doesn't have to be on the list because it is so obvious. Yet, when it comes to carseats there are so many different options. There is the bucket seat there is the convertible and more. The best thing to do is to get a demo model to check to make sure the carseat will fit in your car, check out the heft, and see how easy it is to install and to take off the padding for washing. (My sister once bought a carseat and found out later that the only way to take off the cover involved a screw driver! That is insane.)

I use a bucket infant carseat for when they are first born  and when they out grow that they go into a convertible carseat that can be rear-facing and forward-facing. Experts suggest that the longer kids are rear-facing the safer they are in the event of a crash (2 years at least). Often the kid will outgrow the bucket carseat before it is safe to be forward facing, hence the need for the convertible. I don't use the convertible carseat for little babies because the one we bought wouldn't fit properly in the car for it to be at the correct angle. Though my sister's convertible carseat has a removable headrest which makes fitting it in the car for an infant a breeze.

Stroller
A stroller is definitely essential. It allows you to lug a lot of stuff around without you having to do the lugging. While you can get a carseat stroller combination I wouldn't do it unless you absolutely love the stroller that is part of the combination. Most strollers will come with or you can get a universal carseat adaptor.

This is what I would look for when going out to get a stroller

• It can fold up compact and unfold easily. Nothing is more frustrating when you can hardly fit the stroller, and your stuff in your trunk. The stroller won't be useful if you can't fit it easily into your car. Also, you may be leaving your stroller with others. If there is only one or two steps to collapse it, it will make the sharing of the stroller less stressful for all. I remember one stroller I had needed 4 steps to collapse. Loved the stroller, just didn't want to leave it for a sitter.
• It can be steered one handed. I know from first hand experience how essential this one is. Most strollers on the market cannot be steered with one hand. That is frustrating when you are pushing the stroller and have a cranky toddler walking with you. Trust me on this one. Even my big double stroller that doubles as a bike trailer can be pushed and easily handled one handed and I am thankful everytime I use it.

There are other considerations to give but they are too individual for each person. These two are ones that, no matter who you are or your lifestyle, you should make sure the stroller can do.

Highchair

Some people have the talent of being able to hold their squirmy toddler while feeding them. I am not one of those people. I make a mess. Thus, a highchair is essential for me.

My favourite highchair that I have seen is this one from Ikea. It is the one we ended up getting and after three kids it is still going strong. It is cheap, easy to clean and very portable. Other highchairs probably work as well, you just need it to be sure you can wash it easily without junk getting in seams and crevices.

Clothes

Babies really need very few clothes, but there are so many cute things on the market it is hard not to get carried away.

Really all babies need are some sleepers, onesies and socks. When they start staying awake and moving more then pants, shirts can be easily added to the mix. For ideas on amounts click here to my post about clothing amounts. I would also check out second hand stores or children's consignment stores. You can get great quality stuff for very little. Or just wait for the hand-me-downs to start pouring in. Seriously I suffered from too many clothes and it drove me nuts.

Soft Structured Carrier

I love my SSC. I have a boba that can be used for newborns all the way up to toddlers without the need of an insert, which is so nice. I use this more than my stroller.

When my kids were younger I would use a wrap. When buying a wrap make sure their is a bit of stretch but not too much otherwise the material will stretch out too much and you will always be retying. 

More and more you can get used SSCs. New ones are a bit expensive, but seriously they are worth every penny. Most stores will let you try before you buy. I would recommend you do this.

Somewhere to Sleep

When it comes to the question of where babies sleep the answers are varied. Some want a co-sleeping arrangment, others want the baby in their own room from the beginning. Really the choice is yours. From about the months 0-4 I prefer to have the baby sleep in a bassinet by my bed. It is hard for me to get a good sleep if someone is touching me, so the bassinet is nice because they are still close, but they aren't touching me. I also usually have it on my husband's side because the baby's breathing is weird and wakes me up. Once they out grow the bassinet then they move to the crib. The crib we got second-hand from my sister. If you get a crib second-hand make sure it matches the standards of the day and has not been part of any recalls. Bassinets are also available second-hand. Bassinets aren't essential, but they sure made my early baby days nice.


Don't Bother

Here is a list of things that I wouldn't bother with.

Infant Tubs
While in theory they might make sense, they are just more hassle then they are worth. I usually would bring them in the bath with me or in the shower. Other mom's I know would use the kitchen sink. Babies really don't get dirty and don't need to be washed everyday as it strips natural oils from the skin leaving their skin dry and in need of lotions. So really, just sponge washing them on an as needed basis is fine.

Soaps and Lotions
If you don't bath them too often using harsh soaps, your babies skin will be fine. Using water to bath is fine and then if their skin is a bit dry use some olive oil or some other natural oil.

Change Table
While it might be good for storage or to "complete the look" of your nursery, I found it was much easier to change diapers on a change mat on the floor or the bed. Change tables can be cumbersome and there is a greater chance of your baby rolling off. I would usually have some diapers, wipes and a portable change mat on each level of my house. I found that more handy and useful than having a change table.


To Consider

There's other baby paraphernalia to consider. They can be helpful, but if you don't have them it's not the end of the world.

nursing cover - I have never used them. My kids didn't want to be covered up when nursing. Other moms I know have used them with success. It is really about your comfort level, and your babies comfort.
wraps -  sort of a repeat from before, if you have a nice SSC then this might not be necessary. If you do buy a wrap test it out first. Either borrow a friends or usually the store will loan it to you for a week. Some wraps have too much stretch and makes for an awkward time.
swaddling cotton blankets - these seem to be everywhere. If your baby likes to be swaddled go for it. My kids did not like to be swaddled at all, so I never bothered.
swing - my oldest loved the swing my middle didn't and we didn't try with the third. I would see if I could get it used or borrow one.
baby monitor - If you have a small enough place you won't need one. We haven't used one. If your house is big or you hang out in a place that is not near your babies room then it might be useful.
comfy chair for nursing - you will be nursing a lot, might as well be comfortable.
exersaucer - these are great, especially if your baby likes to stand up a lot and you need to give your arms a break.


So these are my thoughts on different baby products. If you are in doubt about a product or item just remember to keep it simple. Most things on the market or not essential. Babies really don't need a lot. They just need to feel loved and secure. Remember that you won't have to buy everything. There will be showers, gifts from family and friends, hand-me-downs, workplace gifts and more.  Check out children's consignment stores before you buy new. Hopefully this little guide is helpful and gives you something to mull over.

Any links to companies websites are done just so you can see what the heck I am talking about. I am not getting compensated in anyway from them.

Who's the Best Bonhomme?

Being a stay-at-home mom, I am involved in quite a lot of our girls' life. We live a 5 minute walk from their school so I meet their friends and many of their friends parents. I am able to get to know their teachers a bit. I am lucky to be able to have that kind of relationship with people that my kids are with for a lot of their day.

My husband on the other hand doesn't have that. He hears about people and friends from our stories but quite often isn't able to have a face with the name. He is very involved with the girls too, wanting to know what is going on at school etc., but the connected feeling isn't always as strong. That is why it is so great when Matt goes on field trips with the kids or is able to help out at special events. The girls aren't stuck with Mom there, again. They feel excited when their Dad is taking time from his work to be with them.

Today the girls school was having Carnaval. It is their tribute to the huge winter Carnaval that happens in Quebec City. To learn more about Carnaval click here. What would Carnaval be with out Bonhomme? Well for the past two years Matt has volunteered (he will say he was voluntold) to be Bonhomme. And despite his reluctantness and a bit of complaining (very minor), he has been super stoked to do it. He is so good too. Waving, giving high fives, hugging. And the kids. They just love it! From the kindies to the grade 6 students. They all get excited when they see Bonhomme walk in.

Matt as Bonhomme

It doesn't take much to make our children's world a magical place full of wonder and love. While we don't always have to dress up like a fuzzy snowman, there are little things we can do everyday that make our kids feel special and full of worth. Many of these things take little effort or time on our part. We don't have to be scouring Pinterest to come up with some over the top display of affection. It can be as simple as giving them a hug and letting them know you think of them and you think they are great. It could be getting them a chocolate bar or other special treat. It could be going on a bike ride.

Our kids are only kids for so long. Already I can't believe that Miss V. is going to be 8 next month. Next thing I know she will be moving out... which I'm not too adverse to, but I know I will miss her sweet self. We need to do what we can to make sure our kids voices are heard and understood. Children want to be heard and want to know that their parents are actually listening to them. That message was really brought home as we watched the movie Box Trolls with my kids tonight. We also need to make their childhood have a magical quality about it. That doesn't mean that we shield them from the ugliness of the world. What it does mean is that we show them the wonder of the world more. The world is a magical place. We are so blessed to have a planet that gives us so much beauty. Let's share that wonder more, even if that means dressing up as Bonhomme.

Good Old Fashioned Winter Fun!

I apologize for the delay in this post. I had an idea, and I was getting the camera ready to take some pictures and then, the battery died. (Note to self, always check battery life ahead of time.) The older two were home as well, meaning my day was thrown off a bit. But that's life right and life is great!

The kids were home on Friday because the weather was so cold they closed all the schools. While I'm sure there are places in the territories that get much colder than what we experienced, and they probably don't close their schools, I was happy for the reprieve. We got to have a lazy morning. I didn't have to make lunches or bundle up an crabby Miss P. in her snow clothes. Really it was a win all around.

Luckily the weekend had much warmer temperatures and we were able to enjoy the outside.

from lds.org media files

We went to a church skating party that was held at a mennonite school just outside the city. It was so nice. The rink was big enough to so that those who wanted to play some hockey could do it at one end and those who wanted just to skate normally could do it at the other. There were also the coolest play structures for the kids. It was made with wood and metal and would totally not be allowed at a regular school, which really is a shame.

They had this awesome hill in the back with a slide going down it. The kids loved sliding down it into a big pile of fresh snow. There were teeter-toters made out of big planks of wood. And fun swings. The kids had a blast skating, sliding and playing.

We live in a world of rules and regulations. We do this all in the name of keeping kids/people safe. Safety is very important, but at the same time it can be over kill. There have been reports of some cities banning tobogganing. To me that is crazy. Tobogganing is the best thing to do in winter. As with anything, it comes with an element of risk, but it is up to parents to monitor their kids and to teach them what is appropriate and what is not. Because of the lapse in judgement of a few, many are affected.

We need to let our kids play. And not just in the safe confines of our homemade bubbles. We need to allow them to have some elements of risk, that allow them to figure things out and learn to see hazards themselves. We need to arm them with skills and confidence so that they can keep themselves safe when we are not around, 'cause we won't always be. We need to let our kids have fun.

I think, sometimes as adults we forget to let our hair down and just have some good old fashioned fun. We spend a lot of our life wanting to grow up. When we do, we gain a lot of responsibilities. Sometimes those responsibilities overshadow everything and make it hard to relax and have fun. But we need to. For our sakes and for our kids'. Life doesn't have to be serious all the time. And our kids need us to play with them. So go tobogganing, go skating, have a snow fight, make a snow fort. If nothing else, you will be getting exercise, and your kids will be having a blast.

If outdoor winter activities aren't your thing, play hide and seek inside, or sardines. Play boards games. Play things, that don't involve a screen so you can really connect. Enjoy some good old fashioned fun!

No, Because I Love You

from Toysrus UK website

Christmas is on Thursday. While I will be enjoying the quiet festivities of the day the lead up to it is not quite as enjoyable. And that is mostly to do with the stuff and me being a bit of a Grinch this year. I don't really want much for Christmas. And anything I do want is ridiculously practical. I would rather have a new faucet then some crazy bauble that I will have to dust. I don't need books as the library is amazingly awesome at satisfying my reading itch. I actually want less stuff than more. So perhaps a great Christmas present could be cleaning out on of the rooms that we haven't done yet (hint hint).

But that is just me. Unfortunately we have kids in the house. And while their lists are not crazy, they are still pretty long and I am like, I don't think so. This year we are trying to keep it simple but it can be hard, even when you are trying to be less consumeristic. It is also sometimes hard to explain to kids that they have sufficient when they see their friends given so much excess. 

This whole dynamic can be summed up in a conversation that took place in our vehicle a few weeks ago. We were driving home, after picking up my husband from work. Miss G. called from the back saying she had something to add to her Christmas list. When asked what it was she said, "A Frozen lunch bag". When you think about it, it's not that crazy of a request. It doesn't cost a fortune and it is useful. But, my response was that she couldn't have one because we love her. Then Miss V. said "I don't think you heard her right, she said she wanted a Frozen lunch bag for Christmas". I told them that I had indeed heard correctly and that the answer was still no, because we love her. Well that kind of confused them. What does it mean that I love Miss G. when I say that she can't have what her heart desires at that point in time?

We as parents and guardians have to say no sometimes. It sucks but it is necessary. We need our kids to know that just because something is beautiful or the current fad, doesn't mean that we need to go out and buy it. Miss G. has a perfectly functional and pretty cool looking lunch bag as it is. Why would we get a Frozen one when she already has one. Teaching our children to make do with what they have and, in a way, treasure what they have is so important. When all around them they see a consumer driven society it means we need to be ever vigilant of our consumer mindset. Does that mean we never buy things? No. But it means it should be a thoughtful purchase instead of in the heat of the moment. (That is something I need to work one. Oh, my magpie tendencies.)

Deciding what type of person we want to be correlates into the type of parent we want to be and the type of people we want to raise. While we love them and want them to have beautiful things in their life, we also need to give them the permission to say no to things, the blessing of saying no to things, the attitude of contentment with themselves. You don't need to say no to everything, but I think it is important that we are a little more selective about when we say yes and what we say yes to. Saying no, can often mean I love you.

Success in Kindness

On Tuesday I went to see the Kitchener-Waterloo Symphony with my daughter's class. I was like "Free tickets to the symphony? Sign me up!" I was expecting my daughter to be clinging to me the whole time and that I would have to pry her death grip off me so I could help the other children. That did not happen at all. When I arrived she saw me gave me a big hug and then went off with her other friends. She didn't sit with me on the bus or at the concert. She was having a great time with her friends. And you know what? That was awesome!

This daughter is my shy girl. I have worried that no one will play with her or she won't have friends, just because she is quiet and finds joy in her own company, which is great but can be lonely at times. Clearly my worrying has been somewhat in vain as I saw a beautiful and confident 6 almost 7 year old interacting with her peers.

I guess that is what parenting is all about. At home you do the ground work. You teach them (or try to) the rules for getting along with others; not being too pushy, but, not getting steam rolled either. There comes a point that you have to let them fly on their own and try out all the things you hope you taught them while in your sphere of influence. It is nerve racking, but when they see a calm exterior (the interior might be going crazy) your kids will know that you have confidence in them.

The key is setting your children up for success no matter what storms come. That doesn't mean that we make their life easy and remove all obstacles. What it does mean is that when a conflict or trial comes they know how to calm down instead of getting worked up, and then they can look at the problem and come up with a solution. It also means that if discouraging time comes upon them they have a safe and soft place to land, your arms.

Another insight that came to me while I was watching my daughter interacting with her friends was how important kindness is. I got to see her helping a friend find a lost mitten, letting someone into line, not pushing, and in general smiling and being friendly. Despite my daily failures as a parent there must be something good happening that allows her to be so kind.

Kindness is always important. It doesn't mean you don't stand up for yourself, instead it means not being aggressive or combative in getting your point across. It means smiling at people, and letting them know that they are special to you. There is no harm in letting others know that you are aware of them and that you are genuinely interested in them and that you are glad they are around you.

This world is full of so many choices. Not just clothing and hairstyles, but morals, lifestyles and the way we treat others. It is hard to figure out what is best for us. These little kids have to navigate a much more savvy and sophisticated world than I had to as a child. It is hard for kids just to be kids. To play and have fun and not think that they are being a nuisance or annoyance to parents and adults. Seeing my daughter on Tuesday, being a kid, a kind and fun-loving kid was priceless.