Recharging the Batteries

This past week was stressful. Mostly because the potty training was not going well at all. And then put on top of that lost shirts and lunch meal planning and feeling like I was getting nothing done... let's just say I was not my best self. 

So in a pleading phone call I asked my husband to take sometime off work so I could be by myself and recharge.

Now, since Wednesday, when I decided not to continue with the potty training, for now, the needing to recharge feeling wasn't as strong, but I still felt it was important to do something for me so I did.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I don't often get the chance to sit and think about what I want to do just for me. (That's not me complaining or feeling "oh poor me" or a call for sympathy, it's just the reality of being a busy mom of three, and that is okay.) I knew I wanted to do something active. The weather was so beautiful. I knew I wanted to do something that I haven't done yet that I really wanted to. So, I decided to walk part of the Trans Canada Trail, from the St. Jacob's Market to the actual town of St. Jacobs.

I love the idea of the Trans Canada Trail. It is neat to think that the trail I'm walking on could eventually connect me to places all across Canada. And that's no small feat considering, to quote the band The Arrogant Worms, "Canada's really big".

The section of trail I was on today wasn't super busy. I saw a couple of cyclists and a family sitting on one of the benches. But that was it. Just me, the trail, and the sound of birds and cars. This section of trail runs beside a highway, so it was rather loud. Not the best for soul searching in nature, but I'll take it.

I love the little curves under the canopy of trees. This will look beautiful in a couple weeks with fall colours

It's a bit fuzzy but this is one of the views of a farm from the trail.

I am looking forward to trying out some of these trails soon.

The Conestoga river. There was a nicer view at a different spot but people were there and I didn't want to intrude.

It is so important that we take the time once in a while to charge our batteries, and if possible, to find out what that thing would be that recharges us. When you are busy and have other people to be concerned with it can be hard to find what helps to refuel you as you are busy helping to refuel others.

While I was on my walk, I realized how much I missed these strolls in nature. When I was growing up we lived on 80 acres of wilderness. We had made our own trails throughout the property and every Sunday and sometimes more we were off on a walk to the see the beautiful spots we had discovered. We had a waterfall, an old mine, and a great loop through what we called the 12 acre wood. It was great to walk, to challenge yourself with the hills, to see the beauty of nature and the change of seasons. It was nice and peaceful and when I think about those walks I think of bliss and love. I definitely was living the good life. 

Now the thought of going for a walk with family does not incite feelings of joy. We have kids who complain about walking, or who walk too slow or walk too fast, or don't want to wear proper foot wear, or need water, or want to bring dolls or want in the stroller or out of the stroller, or are hungry, or are needing a bathroom even though they just went, and on and on. Not very relaxing is is. This walk taught me that I don't always have to drag my family along. It is okay for them to drop me off somewhere and me to just go by myself and reconnect with me. And by doing that they are probably going to get a better me in the process. Eventually I will invite them along, but for now I need to do these things for me.

There are so many other things that people can do to recharge. What do you like to do?

Finding Joy at the Park

Last Tuesday the girls and I met up with some friends at Victoria Park in Kitchener. They have installed a new playground which is a lot of fun.

One of the new features of the playground is a structure that looks like a boat. The kids sit on it and then an adult can rock it back and forth. Now most parents usually just move it unenthusiastically just to rock it while waiting for their child to get off and then passing the rocking onto the next suckered adult. I know it is not a very positive way to look at it, but you as parents, you know what I'm talking about.

Well on this Tuesday the kids were in for a treat. There was a young man there, probably in his late teens who I'm assuming had some sort of mental special need, who was able to transport the kids into a world of fun on the high seas. He would stand near the entrance of the ship and yell "All aboard". The kids would rush on and take their positions. Then he would walk around this ship doing the safety check, mostly to make sure that no one was underneath. He would then get into position, ask someone to "ring the bell" and off he would go rocking the boat. The kids would then laugh and have fun as the boat moved up and down causing them to sway, loose balance and just have fun. After a few minutes the young man would stop. The kids who wanted to get off would and new kids who wanted to join would get on. He would then start again with "All aboard" shouted in this incredible booming voice.

While this boat thing is usually popular, I must admit I had never seen so many kids on it at once as when this young man was doing his thing. The kids just loved it. I think he loved it too. They were all just having fun and experiencing pure joy.

It got me thinking about how we as hardened adults of the world don't, as often as we should, take the time to let ourselves go enough to experience these pure joy moments. We are hustling and bustling trying to do things as fast as we can to move onto the next things. At the park I am usually on high alert at all times because Miss P likes to run, and she can run fast and silently. Seriously she must be part ninja or secret agent. Her agility, stealth and speed is quite astonishing. Anyways, because of Miss P's super set of skills it is hard to relax and really enjoy the moments at the park because I feel so preoccupied with Miss P's location. We miss out on a lot of moments of joy when we are distracted or moving too fast.

After this experience I am trying to make a conscious effort to slow down and look at the world through my kids eyes. Take in their joys. This past Friday Miss G and I had to go to the mall to find a bathing suit. Trying to find a kids bathing suit in July is an impossible task, which is kind of dumb because it is still summer and they should still have bathing suits a plenty, in my opinion anyways. So we had to go to store to store. I was feeling like I just wanted to rush it because I just wanted to get out of the mall, it is not my happy place. But Miss G showed me that even in the Mall small and simple pleasures can be found. We stood and watched the fountains for a bit. She then saw some tiles in a cool pattern that she had to investigate. Seeing the mall through her eyes helped me slow down and enjoy the experience a bit more.

I don't know why we feel we need to be running ourselves ragged, trying to get things done lickity split. While there are times when that is necessary, most of the time it is not. No wonder there are so many people stressed, strained, feeling overworked and depressed. Sometimes you really need to slow down and appreciate what's around you and find the small and simple joys that life is freely and constantly offering you if you just slow down enough to recognize it.

So thank you young man, whoever you are. You made a lasting impact on me and all the children you helped that day. Never loose your happy spirit. You are special beyond measure and you made everyone around you feel special too.

My Way to Unwind

Sometimes you need a little pick me up. For me it is when I get to view or use some of my favourite things. Nothing spells out bless to me like drinking a caf-lib or herbal tea in one of my favourite mugs. These aren't the fanciest of mugs. There is no interesting story to go along with them. I bought the blue one at a grocery store in university and the other one at Target. But, despite their seeming ordinariness they make me smile and I feel content.

It is nice to have things in your life that help you feel grounded and remind you of how content your life is. I am a natural complainer. If I can claim it as one of my talents then it would be near the top of the list. Because of this it is natural to think life is dismal and that it will never be quite right. But, give me one of those mugs and I realize life is not as bad as I am making out to be. I just need to chill out and smell the roses.

What I love to do is put the kettle on right before I tuck the kinds into bed, or put them down for a nap. When that task is done the water is ready for me to start making my drink. I then take my book and sit on my comfy loveseat and voila. A peace flows over me. Warmth from the warm drink floods through me. How can you not be content.

Sometimes, if I need a break from the barrage that can sometimes be my children, I make hot chocolate for my own kids in their favourite mugs. Sometimes I even jazz it up. They are happy and I get a few minutes of me time where I can just sit and let my mind be.

I was feeling very generous. Whipping cream and caramel sauce. Yummy!

What are some of your ways to unwind?

What Do We Want from Life?

Life is so full of choice. There are so many lifestyles and options available to us that it is rather overwhelming. With each choice there are consequences or sacrifices with each one. There is no perfect fit for everyone. If we choose to work outside our home, we are loosing family time and time to discover our own talents. If we choose to work in the home we are loosing money making abilities and sometimes it is hard to focus on ourselves. If we send our kids to school we missing seeing the look of discovery on their face and precious moments with them. If we home school our children we as parents miss out on our own down time during the day and may be kept more busy as we are doing the leg work for their learning.

None of the choices above are bad or good, they are just different and with them have different sacrifices. There are benefits to all the above choices as well.

What we need to decide is what is the lifestyle or life choice that we want to live. Some people, and from my own preceptions it is mostly women, seem to want to have it all. We all want to be Martha Stewarts, which is not a bad thing, it's just not that realistic. To think we can have the perfect house and the perfect cookies, and the perfect homemade costumes or gifts, and having the perfect job and the perfect income and with that creating a perfect family, while it is great to try to have the idea of it, ] it makes me exhausted just thinking about it. It is almost impossible to have all those things without having help. Instead we need to figure out what we really want. Not worry about trying to have it all, because some of "it" we don't actually want.

So, what are someways that we can figure out what exactly we want? What will make ourselves and our families the best we can be? For those things are highly individualistic. Here are some of my musings.

pictures from salon.com

1. Have a Family Meeting
Family meetings are a great time to connect and see how everything is going. It's a way for each member of the family to voice their hopes and dreams in a safe environment and when they can come together and brainstorm ways to make dreams come true. It is also a great way to help each other prioritize and possibly even come up with a family mission statement so that everyone knows what they are working for and why they are doing it. Through these meetings the lifestyle of your family can be set to everyone's satisfaction, or at least mostly satisfied. Everyone may need to sacrifice something that may not be as important for the time being and then focus on it later.

This is also a great way for the domestic engineer to voice where she or he needs help and get the family on board for the domestic work that needs doing. While not every domestic engineer is going to have a eager volunteers, every little bit does help. Especially when there are still young children in the home. It is amazing what little work you can do with a toddler around who likes to empty cupboards and drawers. If your family doesn't know that you need help then they won't know what to do. You need to let them know so that hopefully they will help you.

2. Priorities
It is so important to get your priorities in tune with your partner/family. If they are not in sync then it is really hard to feel focused. You will feel tugged in a billion directions as you are trying to make your priorities happen, while also trying to support your spouse in their priorities and then if you have kids, you want their priorities to happen too. That is too much for one person.

To some families having a big birthday bash for everyone's birthday could be super important. If that is the case then perhaps they wouldn't go on so many vacations. Or, maybe vacations aren't as important as focusing on good nutrition. Figuring out your priorities (financial, personal) is really figuring out where you want to direct your energies. So, if, for example, your priority is organizing the house, you need to direct your energy towards going through stuff, making decisions to get rid of things, not bringing in anything that is not vitally important. Now may not be best the time to go on some fad diet or becoming the chair of a volunteer committee. We only have so much time and energy so it is important that we direct to what is most important to us, otherwise frustration will set in.

3. Have Realistic Expectations
So you have your priorities all set, you have had a family meeting you feel you have a focus. Well, you may wake up one morning not feeling like having to do what you have set out to do. Or you may not receive the help that was agreed on. Or perhaps you start coveting the happiness you think others are having around you. Life happens. You have to take one day at a time. Try to stay focused, but if you have an off day, that's okay. The important thing is we have more on days than off. We just need to keep plodding along and not give up on what we know we can achieve. If you are making a major lifestyle overhaul it is going to take time. You and your family will need time to adjust.

My two older children asked for more consistent responsibilities. I was all for that and came up with age appropriate ones such as setting the table, sweeping the floor and making sure the clothes were off their bedroom floor. We discussed it with them and they were all for it. Well, I called Miss G. in and asked her to set the table. Well, she came in and said, "Mom, I'm a kid not a maid. Do I look like a maid to you?" Now I'm not sure where she picked up such phrases. I'm pretty sure I haven't said that, but then I may have. Well, I as calmly as I can (calmness is something I must work at sometimes, especially when I am getting dinner ready) I explained that this was her night for that responsibility and reminded her that she agreed to it and we all had to help. She still wasn't the cheerful helper I was envisioning, but she still did it. Would I have preferred a smiling, less exasperating child? Yep. But, I was happy with what I got, a set table. We aren't going to have everything workout like a movie where everyone is happy and helping, but if we keep it real, our expectations can still be met, just with a huge dose of reality.

These are just someways that we can get focus in our lives, and through that see results and happiness come. Happiness really starts with you, and then as a bi-product helps others be happy too. It is hard, life is not always easy. But, it can be joyful. We just need to get onboard with those around us and have realistic expectations. Next week I will talking about To Do lists, and how they can be a help in our lives.

What are some ways you are able to find focus and thus happiness in your life?

Okay Cosmic Forces. I'm listening.

I want to have my house completely de-cluttered. I can't handle all the extra junk we have around. My husband sees everything as treasures. As you can imagine this means we are often at a standstill. I seem to go through spurts where I am really gungho and can get through lots of junk and can keep on top of the regular day to day tidying and cleaning. Then I go into a slump of frustration and tiredness and not caring and then go back to my energetic "let's get rid of this junk" period. Do you go through those cycles too?

Well, I was beginning to get into my energetic period. I had lot of plans for last weekend and this week. I was going to get so many projects done. I was even exercising everyday and feeling great about attaining my personal goals and my household goals. Then it happened. I was trying to get around my 19 month old who was in the middle of the doorway and whack. I totally slammed my foot against the door frame. Now this wasn't just your average hitting of foot against something. My foot was going on full speed velocity, for I was sure I had enough clearance. Man did it hurt. I managed to hobble my kids to school in the morning. When I got back and looked at my toe it was swollen and started to bruise. It looked like the toes of the people in the movie WALL-E. Basically a chubby circle. Usually my toes are very slender. (The only part of me that is.) I was 80% sure it wasn't broken, and anything I read about toe injuries said that you needed to rest it and keep it elevated. So that's what I did.

Well, a week later, a trip to my amazing and talented chiropractor (Dr. Moeller of Vital-Links, as I said during the appointment, you are magic) and no longer having my husband refer to my as hobbilty hobbit (he really loves me, for serious), I have had time to reflect on my injury, my recovery, and what this might mean in the grand cosmic scheme of things.

I need to slow down and let things take its course. That is a very difficult thing to do. When I get in my "at the end of the rope things need to change now" mentality I want to just go, go, go and get everything possible done. I think I need to relax. Take things slow. Break things down into manageable chunks so I don't get burnt out and get into my slumps. I need to not overburden myself so I become resentful when I am not getting the support or glowing praise I think I should receive. I also have to prioritize what is important and not try to constantly please everyone, because when I do that I really don't please anyone.

I also discovered that I need to do a better job of teaching my children and husband that they are working parts of the household. While I may be the domestic COO they play an important role in the success of our family and household. Just because I am out of commission for a few days does not mean that things should get out of control and that I need to do with everything. We definitely need to have some give and take with each other and our roles. And take to heart the saying "first observe then serve". We need to always look out for each other and always think of ways we can help one another to make our burdens light.

Now, it is one thing to come to these conclusions and want to do better and have things change. It is quite another to actual implement the necessary changes. We are creatures of habit. We do not like to have to change our routines or ways. We may know we have to but the hard work involved sometimes makes feel overwhelmed.

So, how do we get over these feelings of overwhelmedness? I'm not sure. If I knew the answer for sure I think my life and relationships would be vastly different and at times less frustrating. But, I should come up with something to help with starting the discussion. So, let's see. Think, think, think.

1. Be completely open and honest about your hopes, dreams and changes that should be made. Unless you can clearly articulate and take the brave step of letting others know, changes and the help necessary to makes these changes happen won't be able to happen.
2. Get everyone on board. If you are trying to make changes that will affect your spouse, kids, or household in general, you need to get everyone on board or at least get their support. This might mean changing or modifying the end result that you have in your mind. This can be a good thing and you might end up with an even better result. It is much better when you can work as a team. Hopefully your family will be more willing to help out when they feel they are participating members in the process instead of being dictated to.
3. If you mess up don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up and keep on trucking. One misstep shouldn't derail the entire enterprise.
4. Accept your limits and then work within them. Instead of wishing things were different or wanting things that are just not feasible at this time, (like a new house or renovated kitchen) look at the parameters you have to work with and work within them. You will be amazed what you can accomplish without a lot.
5. Don't wait for others to take the lead. Once your family has come to a consensus don't want for one of them to take the lead. Do what you agreed to do. Even if they haven't done their stuff yet. Hopefully this example will help motivate them and they will do their commitments.

I am sure that there are other steps or better steps, but that is what I came up with. These are probably things I need to do for myself as these seem to be a lot of my foibles.

While having a very major bruised foot was not really my plan, I am thankful that I was able to slow down. That things that were annoying me were able to be discovered and I could figure out what was needed so that my family and I could become better. So while I am grateful, hopefully the next time the cosmos want to teach me something they do so in a less painful way.

Have a happy weekend!